Last night, the Washington pharaoh read re-purposed hieroglyphs from teleprompters. Like kings of old, he wrapped his prosthetic iron hand in velvety empathy. The sun god once more guaranteed order. His family and fly-swatting servants reminded everyone that he has been showering us with infinite blessings such as our beyond-belief response to plagues. Everything is great! If only our brick-making people were content to eat onions in their gilded cages and stopped dreaming of a trustworthy foreign god in the Sinai desert.